Take my youngest, for example, she can’t speak yet at almost 9 months but she communicates and I have to listen, with my eyes as I watch her body language, with my ears as she squeals and shrieks (was that delight or frustration?) and with my body as I feel how she snuggles in or squirms in my lap. We have to use all of our senses to listen fully, not just our ears and we have to focus. That’s why most of us are only truly listening a fraction of the time. Whether it’s our boss, a partner, a friend, a family member sometimes we need to feel heard. Listening is an art and an underused skill in many situations and so I am challenging you to learn to listen (or at least improve your technique). In all the roles I play – partner, mum, sister, friend, coach – it is important that I listen and it’s hard work. How does it make you feel? Frustrated? Disrespected? Unimportant? Invisible? Rejected? I am sure some of you will identify with those feelings, others will have other feelings or words to describe it. We have all done it haven’t we, not listened fully to something someone else was saying and we have all been on the other end of someone not listening to us.
When it comes to helping people think for themselves, sometimes doing means not doing” – Nancy Kline, from ‘Time To Think’ Listening is an art
I didn’t need to anything other than listening, wholly, respectfully and sincerely. We both went back to what we were doing and the important thing was that she knew I had heard her. She rattled off something that didn’t seem like a big deal to me, but that was a big deal to her. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t listen did I? I am listening now, tell me again”. Stopping what I was doing, I turned to her, got down to her level and looked her in the eye. I wasn’t I was doing something boring that ‘needed’ to be done and I was only half-listening, pretending to listen but in fact focusing on the task at hand. Then yesterday as we did something she turned to me and said “mummy, you’re not listening to me”. I have said to my kids the dreaded phrase “you aren’t listening to me” so many times it is so frustrating repeating myself.
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